By: Maye Yao Co Say
A working mom who shares her “Simplifying Life” principles so all parents can love their Self, Family and Society with No Limits.
LAST week, I wrote about the joy and adventures of parenthood—the kind that does not always come with maps, but continuously fuels us with courage, curiosity, and the willingness to move even when we’re unsure of the terrain. As I reflected on that piece, I realized that adventure in parenting is not about going faster or doing more. It is about finding our flow—that sweet spot where love, discipline, play and meaning converge. It brought me back to my most favorite subject in college—Philosophy. Perhaps this is what Aristotle meant by the “golden mean”: virtue as the balance between excess and deficiency. Aristotle taught that a good life is lived not at the extremes, but in the thoughtful middle—where intention guides action.
This idea has influenced my life view and decisions, because I become less afraid to make mistakes. I am aware that I am in a journey to find my “mean”, and finding it means experiencing or being aware of the two extremes. I later on paired it with another framework that has shaped how I parent and work: The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. The book reminds us that success comes from identifying the one thing that makes everything else easier or even unnecessary. In parenting, I have discovered a lot of “one solutions” that combines answering a need, as well as fostering emotional positivity.
Today’s parenting landscape often swings between extremes. On one end, we see hyper-involved parenting—over-scheduled children, constant monitoring, and academic pressure driven by fear of falling behind. On the other end is disengagement: where independence is mistaken for absence and screens replace connection. Research from child-development experts continues to warn us that both extremes can affect children’s mental health, resilience and self-regulation. Somewhere between over-control and neglect lies the golden mean. And like the 80/20 rule in The One Thing, I have learned that 80 percent of positive outcomes often come from just 20 percent of intentional efforts. For me, that one thing is resilience, not rigid order.
Applying the golden mean in motherhood has been a constant practice. I grew up in a home that valued academics deeply. I put immense pressure on myself as early as my preschool years. It burnt me out in my early high school years. I was lucky to have experienced 10th grade in a great school in New York, and later on went to a semi-progressive Spanish high school in Manila. I was able to appreciate the how and why of learning, because I understood the context of the subject matter and learning outputs were not just written tests.
So when it came to my children’s learning, I exposed them a lot to the importance of learning deep and not just studying for the grade. I never pushed them to be honor students when they were pre-K to early grade school. I wanted them to develop this intrinsically. I would read and expose them to scientists, presidents and real-life experiences. I would tutor them myself to understand what interested them and how they learned. When quarter grades come out, we would discuss their grades per subject and discuss if they are happy with their effort or if they would like to do better? Every year, I would see both my children wanting to aim higher, not to make me happy but because they were forming dreams for themselves. When Meagan was Grade 6, she came up to me and said she wanted to be a Fields Medalist, which at that time I did not even know what it was. Apparently, it was the highest honor in Mathematics. She chose to be Marie Curie in her career day. This was so different from her K2 year, when she dreaded Math.
For busy parents, discovering The One Thing can feel daunting, but it starts with a simple question: What’s the one thing I can do such that by doing it, everything else becomes easier or unnecessary? Sometimes it’s one daily ritual—no phones during dinner. Sometimes it’s focusing on one key skill per child instead of trying to develop everything all at once. For us, it was learning to time-block family moments like our Saturday Game Nights amid work and school.
In learning to pause, each of us, both parents and children, discovered that balance is not something we arrive at once and keep forever. It is something we choose again and again, in ordinary days and quiet moments. Parenting, like life, is not lived in straight lines but in rhythms—and when we listen closely, we find our flow.
Finding my golden mean freed me from living inside a box of expectations. The One Thing sharpened my focus. Together, they remind me that meaningful parenting is not about doing everything—it is about choosing the right things with family love at the heart of our intentions.